I just want to impress you!

So after hearing the parent relationship relating to the enneagram from Jei, I looked mine up out of curiosity.
I am a type 3 (wing 4) and for 3s it basically said the child will try to get great achievements in order to impress and, feel worthy to their parents. OH BOY I can relate to that. Although my parents aren't the type that is okay with C's and D's, my parents won't go insane on me as long as I try. However I still don't want to be a let down, I don't want them to be ashamed of me. Whenever I don't do as well as I hope I would I immediately think 'Mom is going to be so upset' or 'Mom will be so mad' when my mom won't yell at me for grades but instead I get a little sigh, that kills me. This idea of thinking makes me want to achieve everything and if I don't sometimes I feel like it is the end of the world. This could explain why my teachers accuse me of being a perfectionist all the time. I got the nickname 'worry wart Sarah' in chem a couple days ago (but it hasn't come up again so it is probably a one time thing). Sometimes I get called a nervous Nelly too.

Ever Wonder What Vegetables Think About?

Title is a quote by Seance from The Umbrella Academy (one of my influences)
I drew The Seance and The Rumor from The Umbrella Academy today.

Both Seance and the Rumor are my favorite characters from TUA.

Another artist I am influenced is Emily Hu. I really love her style, she is so good! She blogs her artwork, I have talked to her on a few occasions (once in person, a couple other times over the internet). Here is some of her artwork that I love:

As far as issues go I do a lot of things related to death and supernatural beings. I also draw eyes a lot. I find serial killers very interesting and I also get interested in mental disorders. That might explain why I am reading The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde at the moment.

Oh! If any of you were confused why I was putting pictures of Shia LeBeouf everywhere today, it is because this wonderful song about Shia LeBeouf being a cannibal. http://soundcloud.com/rob-cantor/shia-labeouf one of those things I wish I came up with.

Loved.

I am writing this because I am having an anxiety attack over nonsense. I understand the stupidity of this, my body does not and it is causing me to have breathing trouble and getting me all shaky (because of my anxiety disorder I have tendencies to get overly anxious over small things). THIS IS AFFECTING MY HEALTH. I think this whole meme bullshit has stopped being funny and now it is annoying and making US look immature. They look like monsters too but we are becoming as bad. Can we be the bigger person and leave them alone? I understand why you would want to fight back, trust me I get it. The feeling of over a 100 people (over 100 people liked those photos by the way) not liking you because you are in a class you love is a pretty crumby feeling. People I have never met in my entire life!
I know they were not directing it at any students but that's how it read to me. Probably inaccurate to a degree but the thought is still there. All those memes were kind of those jokes were we can all laugh together, but these were targeting a class. Now that people are getting into trouble for the memes it is causing even more anger towards STAC so this meme is a little messy, and I think it might be better to avoid it. That is just my opinion. I don't hate anybody for standing up for us at all. I just think we need to stray away from it now.

Cold and Still. Spine in a Twist.

I think we have worked out everything we can at this point in time. We fixed and thought out details and possible shots and I feel we are in a good place. Not necessarily comfortable, not because I think it is bad but I am afraid because it is new. I don't think I have had this much control on something I don't do too often. I am afraid of this little brain-child of ours yet I am excited to see it at the same time. Still thinking about that side salad. I feel I should paint yet I want to work on anatomy by sketching not so much painting the body.

 I have also re-read one of my influences and favorite comic book 'The Umbrella Academy' written by Gerard Way and drawn by Gabriel Ba. That book always makes me want to draw comics. Maybe it is the story I like or maybe it is the art I like that makes me feel like this. Most likely both. I also love Gerard Way's drawings.

Gabriel Ba's artwork for The Umbrella Academy.

The White Violin form TUA (Gabriel Ba's work).

Some Gerard Way's artwork.

More of Gerard Way's art taken on my horrible webcam. This is his concept art for The Umbrella Academy.

 Is anybody picking up on my blog title trends?

The Cigarette Duet.

Found this song wandering the internet because I broke my ipod (as my ipod broke so did my heart). Found this song. They are from New Zealand. I have been listening to a bit of music coming from that part of the world recently (Gotye is from Australia and Kimbra is from New Zealand). Not on purpose it just so happens they make music I like. I like the song because it is a conversation. I am not quite sure why I am posting about this. I think I am posting it because I am procrastinating studying for a chemistry test.

I found her body there.

Today we worked on similar things we did as yesterday. We have our story down but still are figuring out how we are going to execute it. I think we are starting to get a good sense of it so I am somewhat afraid to spend too much time on it because it may cause us wasting time on things we know. Hopefully we can get started as soon as we can given everything is ready. Thinking about my side salad. I know it will be art but what will I work on? I think I want to practice anatomy so I might try to do that. Not 100% sure yet though.

In the Darkest Corner of the House.

So if any of you wanted to know what I am up to, I am making a music video with Caitlin and Danny. Caitlin and I both love this band called The Brobecks so the music choice was done very quickly. We had a general idea for the video so today we were mainly working out the ideas technically thinking of how we can get it done. 

As far as looking up my inspirations, I know quite a bit about them already since I get obsessive in the sense that if I like them I will look up everything about them. Maybe I need more influences to look up. Most of my influences are musicians and comic book artists (some are both musicians AND comic book artists). 

If anybody was wondering what I am doing, I am working with Caitlin and Danny on a music video. Caitlin and I share a love for a band called The Brobecks so the song choice came very quick.

Death and All His Friends.

Title is a Coldplay song, because Coldplay is awesome, and should not be looked down upon.

          So that last Twilight zone episode put me in a funk. They pretty much took my biggest fear and explained it word for word. I am so incredibly afraid of death and what comes after it sickens me. If they put roller coasters and medical needles in there I would probably cry from all the fear (those are my other two fears)! I have a problem when I think far to much about life and reality and the world to the point where I get anxiety attacks and have to take one of my pills. I dwell on this subject a lot, I question reality and what is sanity far too much. Of course it had a nice ending, and I'm glad death came so nicely, but just thinking about the subject of dying put me in a weird state of mind. It is odd though although I am afraid to die I am still very fascinated with death, when it isn't me dying I think of it fondly. Even when I was little I always like that kind of morbid things. I would always make my Dad take me to the very old graveyards in Vermont by our house. I think of death as both a friend and an enemy. Maybe this is why I love the Halloween season so much.

Gravestone in a old cemetery in Vermont. The grave belongs to a woman who died in the 1700s named Sarah.

Catty Artists.

Today was not necessarily hard, but it still manages to fry my brain (when I got home I passed out and napped for 3 hours).  However, I will endure this to become better at seeing things and be able to do great things without the use of a grid.

My blue paintings are giving me the blues. Turns out my paint sucks way more than I thought. I couldn't even push the colors to gray. Everything came out muddy. Bummer.

The reading was very interesting to me mainly because I failed to realize how artist react to each other out of rivalry and envy. The idea of Da Vinci and Michelangelo making fun and insulting each other kind of makes me laugh. I honestly never heard of Fresco before so that is cool (FRESCO the paint for REAL MEN). I see how using Fresco would be more convenient than oil paints. Not only did they have to worry about color but how thick the paint was, I already have problems with color, another factor might drive me crazy. Coloring is always my least favorite part of doing something. I always manage to mess it up and ruin the whole thing causing aggravation. The whole painting with two hands, were they just as skilled using both hands or was it harder for one hand than the other? I think last year I remember using two hands for painting, not to speed things up, but to go crazy with what I was doing.

I am both excited and afraid for these next two weeks to come.

Expressionism and Practicing.

Expressionism!
Very cool. I think some of the artists did a bit of it last year (or was that impressionism....). If that was expressionism, then maybe I'll upload the pictures I have of the process. If that wasn't it. That was cool too. The opera was although sounding strange, morbidly beautiful. It must take tons of talent to do opera so that was amazing (however three hours! I hope I'd be able to last that long but I can't promise my 15 year old brain's attention span can be kept that long. I enjoyed the dances in the sense that the movements went from being really compulsive to something smooth, not exactly sure if that makes it expressionistic but I admire dancing for I am not lucky enough to have good enough coordination for dancing. I KNOW (adding some confidence to this post.) expressionism is an angsty, morbid, art movement that connects more with nature, mind, and spirit. I think it has more to do with the feelings and they way it is done, than how it looks. More of how it 'expresses' something. That could be all wrong (there goes all the BOLD CONFIDENCE I had before.). Last year we saw some of Egon Shiele's work, he was an expressionist. Newbies should look him up.  

     What Luke was saying today about how you don't really enjoy something if you suck at it really struck me because I was thinking about that the other day while looking at one of my favorite artist artwork she posted. She is at the point that she is so good that it looks like she has a lot of fun with her art. She can get more creative with it. I hope that by practicing and getting though the boring, aggravating practice that I can enjoy drawing more than ever! I really need to work on the anatomy I did improve a lot last year but I still feel I am a long way to go until I can draw more happily. I think I dwell on more if it is proportional than if it makes me happy creatively.