Red Lights

I was watching Red Lights, a film I have been trying to watch for months now (hard to find due to limited release), and overall I thought it was really interesting and cool. It is about Tom Buckley (played by Cillian Murphy) and Margaret Matheson (played by Sigourney Weaver). Buckley assists Matheson who works at an university studying paranormal activity, and her and Tom investigate and go around proving famous psychics to be frauds. Until they come across Simon Silver (played by Robert De Niro), that is when stuff gets a bit crazier. I'll stop with the summary here because I think you should see it. It has mixed reviews because of the ending, but I liked it a lot. Now you may think that is because Cillian Murphy stars in it, and he is my favorite actor but I also take a lot of interest in supernatural things. It is because of that I like drawing all these creatures with strange little stories in my mind. It is because of that Halloween is one of my favorite holidays. Although I must say Cillian Murphy's performance was excellent. I also like how Red Lights was filmed. I thought each shot was beautiful in it's own little weird way. I don't want to get too much into the plot and what I think about it without any of you seeing it. If you would like to watch it, let me know! I have it on dvd.

Today we celebrated Shostegigi. A fabulous holiday indeed. There is never a dull moment guess who the person is, seeing the reactions of those receiving  and all the small jokes in between.  I tried a lot of cheeses today. I don't think I can consider myself a cheese person but I like to try new things. Sometimes. Other times I am incredibly boring about everything I do (fun fact: I normally get plain vanilla ice cream with no toppings when getting ice cream at places that can provide me with ice cream). That or I plan to be adventurous and back out at the last second because I get too anxious. The other day I was about to buy a tshirt with a puppy chewing on a bloody hand but then I got afraid it was a waste of money and put it back (Caitlin and Jenna got peer pressured by the cashier and then gave it to me). I am going to sleep now.
right now.
now.
just kidding not yet.
now.
nope.
adjkf;djf lxczdjk (now. imagine my head just hit the keyboard as I went to sleep).

Today I carved into linoleum for the first time. I didn't cut my hand with the carving tool but I did scraped the top of my knuckle on the linoleum itself. However I am a strong big girl and I didn't cry.
I got to see Megan's movie and again after we re shot it. It is always nice to see your time and effort coming into a final product. Of course after you get over how strange your voice is and how odd your face is from various angles it is nice and rewarding.

Why even try?

Today I was talking to Michelle while she was reading an article about how schools should teach students not only what they teach now but also teach about character and how that can also make you a successful person. It also said something about how you should fail so you can build yourself back up and won't a bid fear of failing. This is something I think may be a good idea, but I am not willing to take that risk. Even my therapist encourages me to try to 'not care about school so much' and 'maybe failing a class' won't kill me. I try so hard in school that I have had many teachers over the years call me a perfectionist. Last year my chemistry teacher called me 'nervous Nelly' and'worry wart Sarah'. Just today in my English class I got so anxious that I started crying. That made me think about why I do care so much about how I do in school. Who am I trying to please? What am I trying to prove?
     Maybe I am trying not to disappoint my parents. Maybe I am trying not to disappoint myself. Maybe I am trying not to disappoint people that don't even care how I do in school. I think because I have done well in school most of my life that if I ever stray from that I am a failure and I don't deserve anything. I also think it could be because I am not 100% sure what I want to do with my life, so by having good grades I can keep my options open. Although my parents are a bit supportive of my love for art I feel like they are afraid for me to go into the arts. I think they want me to keep it more as a hobby. Today on a commercial I pointed out the use of Benedict's solution to indicate if the tested solution had simple sugars in it. My mom replied saying that I should be a doctor or go into the science field and get rich and happy and do art for fun, not a career. I'm sort of used to hearing this. I remember when I was little being told that I can never make a living in art, and I'll end starving. This isn't really what a kid wants to hear and may cause more fear in the future.

Just thinking out loud.

Kontroll your thoughts.

There is something about Kontroll that speaks to me but I think it is mumbling. Although I'm not exactly sure what it is to me personally yet, but it is a film that will stick with me. Something I'll keep in my mind for a very long time. Maybe the movie is more of an experience to have than something to understand. I liked how there was something interesting about every character. Even the people you only see for a minute still leaves something in your mind. One that stuck to my eyelids was Laci. We don't see him a lot through out the film but there is still something about him that stuck with me. They way we was kinda off, in the beginning when Bulscu asked him if he was alright, and his reply being, "Great, just looking forward to getting back to work" when it is obvious this job is horrible. Then next time we see Laci, he snapped and slit a man's throat.

Another thing I was thinking about was how from the first time we see Bulscu, he is bleeding. He has a bloody nose when he lifts his head up the first time in the film. We never know what it came from but it is assumed that it is from his job as a kontroll. He never gets healed, but only gets worse until the murderer gets hit by the train and Bulscu finally leaves.

Writing this has helped with the comprehending the mumbling but I still need to think more about it.

If I wasn't nervous on the subway before, I am now. I spent a lot of time on subways this summer and each time there was always somebody really interesting. I think about what each of their lives may be like. 

By the way did we watch Kontroll because of the guy who got pushed in front of the subway the other day?

What a nice reminder to know that kind of stuff really happens.

On another note: If you don't know I have a daily practice where I do a drawing each day that relates to a song. here is the blog. If I don't post everyday, I still do them everyday. Follow it?