Death and All His Friends.

Title is a Coldplay song, because Coldplay is awesome, and should not be looked down upon.

          So that last Twilight zone episode put me in a funk. They pretty much took my biggest fear and explained it word for word. I am so incredibly afraid of death and what comes after it sickens me. If they put roller coasters and medical needles in there I would probably cry from all the fear (those are my other two fears)! I have a problem when I think far to much about life and reality and the world to the point where I get anxiety attacks and have to take one of my pills. I dwell on this subject a lot, I question reality and what is sanity far too much. Of course it had a nice ending, and I'm glad death came so nicely, but just thinking about the subject of dying put me in a weird state of mind. It is odd though although I am afraid to die I am still very fascinated with death, when it isn't me dying I think of it fondly. Even when I was little I always like that kind of morbid things. I would always make my Dad take me to the very old graveyards in Vermont by our house. I think of death as both a friend and an enemy. Maybe this is why I love the Halloween season so much.

Gravestone in a old cemetery in Vermont. The grave belongs to a woman who died in the 1700s named Sarah.

Catty Artists.

Today was not necessarily hard, but it still manages to fry my brain (when I got home I passed out and napped for 3 hours).  However, I will endure this to become better at seeing things and be able to do great things without the use of a grid.

My blue paintings are giving me the blues. Turns out my paint sucks way more than I thought. I couldn't even push the colors to gray. Everything came out muddy. Bummer.

The reading was very interesting to me mainly because I failed to realize how artist react to each other out of rivalry and envy. The idea of Da Vinci and Michelangelo making fun and insulting each other kind of makes me laugh. I honestly never heard of Fresco before so that is cool (FRESCO the paint for REAL MEN). I see how using Fresco would be more convenient than oil paints. Not only did they have to worry about color but how thick the paint was, I already have problems with color, another factor might drive me crazy. Coloring is always my least favorite part of doing something. I always manage to mess it up and ruin the whole thing causing aggravation. The whole painting with two hands, were they just as skilled using both hands or was it harder for one hand than the other? I think last year I remember using two hands for painting, not to speed things up, but to go crazy with what I was doing.

I am both excited and afraid for these next two weeks to come.