Cold and Still. Spine in a Twist.

I think we have worked out everything we can at this point in time. We fixed and thought out details and possible shots and I feel we are in a good place. Not necessarily comfortable, not because I think it is bad but I am afraid because it is new. I don't think I have had this much control on something I don't do too often. I am afraid of this little brain-child of ours yet I am excited to see it at the same time. Still thinking about that side salad. I feel I should paint yet I want to work on anatomy by sketching not so much painting the body.

 I have also re-read one of my influences and favorite comic book 'The Umbrella Academy' written by Gerard Way and drawn by Gabriel Ba. That book always makes me want to draw comics. Maybe it is the story I like or maybe it is the art I like that makes me feel like this. Most likely both. I also love Gerard Way's drawings.

Gabriel Ba's artwork for The Umbrella Academy.

The White Violin form TUA (Gabriel Ba's work).

Some Gerard Way's artwork.

More of Gerard Way's art taken on my horrible webcam. This is his concept art for The Umbrella Academy.

 Is anybody picking up on my blog title trends?

The Cigarette Duet.

Found this song wandering the internet because I broke my ipod (as my ipod broke so did my heart). Found this song. They are from New Zealand. I have been listening to a bit of music coming from that part of the world recently (Gotye is from Australia and Kimbra is from New Zealand). Not on purpose it just so happens they make music I like. I like the song because it is a conversation. I am not quite sure why I am posting about this. I think I am posting it because I am procrastinating studying for a chemistry test.

I found her body there.

Today we worked on similar things we did as yesterday. We have our story down but still are figuring out how we are going to execute it. I think we are starting to get a good sense of it so I am somewhat afraid to spend too much time on it because it may cause us wasting time on things we know. Hopefully we can get started as soon as we can given everything is ready. Thinking about my side salad. I know it will be art but what will I work on? I think I want to practice anatomy so I might try to do that. Not 100% sure yet though.

In the Darkest Corner of the House.

So if any of you wanted to know what I am up to, I am making a music video with Caitlin and Danny. Caitlin and I both love this band called The Brobecks so the music choice was done very quickly. We had a general idea for the video so today we were mainly working out the ideas technically thinking of how we can get it done. 

As far as looking up my inspirations, I know quite a bit about them already since I get obsessive in the sense that if I like them I will look up everything about them. Maybe I need more influences to look up. Most of my influences are musicians and comic book artists (some are both musicians AND comic book artists). 

If anybody was wondering what I am doing, I am working with Caitlin and Danny on a music video. Caitlin and I share a love for a band called The Brobecks so the song choice came very quick.

Death and All His Friends.

Title is a Coldplay song, because Coldplay is awesome, and should not be looked down upon.

          So that last Twilight zone episode put me in a funk. They pretty much took my biggest fear and explained it word for word. I am so incredibly afraid of death and what comes after it sickens me. If they put roller coasters and medical needles in there I would probably cry from all the fear (those are my other two fears)! I have a problem when I think far to much about life and reality and the world to the point where I get anxiety attacks and have to take one of my pills. I dwell on this subject a lot, I question reality and what is sanity far too much. Of course it had a nice ending, and I'm glad death came so nicely, but just thinking about the subject of dying put me in a weird state of mind. It is odd though although I am afraid to die I am still very fascinated with death, when it isn't me dying I think of it fondly. Even when I was little I always like that kind of morbid things. I would always make my Dad take me to the very old graveyards in Vermont by our house. I think of death as both a friend and an enemy. Maybe this is why I love the Halloween season so much.

Gravestone in a old cemetery in Vermont. The grave belongs to a woman who died in the 1700s named Sarah.

Catty Artists.

Today was not necessarily hard, but it still manages to fry my brain (when I got home I passed out and napped for 3 hours).  However, I will endure this to become better at seeing things and be able to do great things without the use of a grid.

My blue paintings are giving me the blues. Turns out my paint sucks way more than I thought. I couldn't even push the colors to gray. Everything came out muddy. Bummer.

The reading was very interesting to me mainly because I failed to realize how artist react to each other out of rivalry and envy. The idea of Da Vinci and Michelangelo making fun and insulting each other kind of makes me laugh. I honestly never heard of Fresco before so that is cool (FRESCO the paint for REAL MEN). I see how using Fresco would be more convenient than oil paints. Not only did they have to worry about color but how thick the paint was, I already have problems with color, another factor might drive me crazy. Coloring is always my least favorite part of doing something. I always manage to mess it up and ruin the whole thing causing aggravation. The whole painting with two hands, were they just as skilled using both hands or was it harder for one hand than the other? I think last year I remember using two hands for painting, not to speed things up, but to go crazy with what I was doing.

I am both excited and afraid for these next two weeks to come.

Expressionism and Practicing.

Expressionism!
Very cool. I think some of the artists did a bit of it last year (or was that impressionism....). If that was expressionism, then maybe I'll upload the pictures I have of the process. If that wasn't it. That was cool too. The opera was although sounding strange, morbidly beautiful. It must take tons of talent to do opera so that was amazing (however three hours! I hope I'd be able to last that long but I can't promise my 15 year old brain's attention span can be kept that long. I enjoyed the dances in the sense that the movements went from being really compulsive to something smooth, not exactly sure if that makes it expressionistic but I admire dancing for I am not lucky enough to have good enough coordination for dancing. I KNOW (adding some confidence to this post.) expressionism is an angsty, morbid, art movement that connects more with nature, mind, and spirit. I think it has more to do with the feelings and they way it is done, than how it looks. More of how it 'expresses' something. That could be all wrong (there goes all the BOLD CONFIDENCE I had before.). Last year we saw some of Egon Shiele's work, he was an expressionist. Newbies should look him up.  

     What Luke was saying today about how you don't really enjoy something if you suck at it really struck me because I was thinking about that the other day while looking at one of my favorite artist artwork she posted. She is at the point that she is so good that it looks like she has a lot of fun with her art. She can get more creative with it. I hope that by practicing and getting though the boring, aggravating practice that I can enjoy drawing more than ever! I really need to work on the anatomy I did improve a lot last year but I still feel I am a long way to go until I can draw more happily. I think I dwell on more if it is proportional than if it makes me happy creatively.

Question Sleep.

What have I been doing lately? Well for STAC LIVE I seem to be doing different things. First I started by working with the group doing the movie with the texting future self, but then I somehow strayed away from that and did quite a few poster collages, I seem to be done with that... I think I am done with that? I also told Caitlin I would help her with the Zs on the wall Thursday. Yet for some reason I feel unproductive. I really liked the couples thing from what I saw today I thought they were done well, and with a couple adjustments they made I think it will be great! The dance is pretty sweet from what I've seen. I really like how it uses the snuggies with the dance, so it isn't just a dance in snuggies, it is a snuggie dance. I just hope they don't damage Tim the skull!

Using what you have.

Commercial. Commercials. Commercials.

  Oh dear. Well, with a few screw ups and odd scheduling, we were practically left with nothing to shoot, all teachers we made plans to film with where rather nowhere to be found or had some last minute meetings. However we would not let that stop us. We asked everybody we felt would be good and got new film that we were not even planning. One teacher even asked if she could be in the box (obviously we let her). We even filmed between classes with me in the box in the hallway, so while people were in the halls getting to class I would pop and scare them. I found it really interesting how many people's response to seeing a box in the middle in the hallway was to kick the box (thanks for that).  In the end although I am not sure how the commercial will come out, I am actually proud of how much we did with last minute changes. 

Think happy thoughts.

Some are negative because others put them down, outer forces affect their opinions of themselves. I'm kind of the opposite, nobody hurts myself better than I do! I am always negative, always hating on myself for everything I do. I criticize everything I do, I am always disappointed in myself, because I feel everything I do is never good enough. 

         I spend a lot of time in my head, sometimes it can be a good thing but most the time it drives me to insanity. I enjoy being alone, being alone does not make me lonely, but sometimes if I am alone to long my mind kinda finds itself in dark places.

I am always trying to help others out, I generally put others before myself, but at some point I should start helping myself.

I'll stop here.