Red Lights

I was watching Red Lights, a film I have been trying to watch for months now (hard to find due to limited release), and overall I thought it was really interesting and cool. It is about Tom Buckley (played by Cillian Murphy) and Margaret Matheson (played by Sigourney Weaver). Buckley assists Matheson who works at an university studying paranormal activity, and her and Tom investigate and go around proving famous psychics to be frauds. Until they come across Simon Silver (played by Robert De Niro), that is when stuff gets a bit crazier. I'll stop with the summary here because I think you should see it. It has mixed reviews because of the ending, but I liked it a lot. Now you may think that is because Cillian Murphy stars in it, and he is my favorite actor but I also take a lot of interest in supernatural things. It is because of that I like drawing all these creatures with strange little stories in my mind. It is because of that Halloween is one of my favorite holidays. Although I must say Cillian Murphy's performance was excellent. I also like how Red Lights was filmed. I thought each shot was beautiful in it's own little weird way. I don't want to get too much into the plot and what I think about it without any of you seeing it. If you would like to watch it, let me know! I have it on dvd.

Today we celebrated Shostegigi. A fabulous holiday indeed. There is never a dull moment guess who the person is, seeing the reactions of those receiving  and all the small jokes in between.  I tried a lot of cheeses today. I don't think I can consider myself a cheese person but I like to try new things. Sometimes. Other times I am incredibly boring about everything I do (fun fact: I normally get plain vanilla ice cream with no toppings when getting ice cream at places that can provide me with ice cream). That or I plan to be adventurous and back out at the last second because I get too anxious. The other day I was about to buy a tshirt with a puppy chewing on a bloody hand but then I got afraid it was a waste of money and put it back (Caitlin and Jenna got peer pressured by the cashier and then gave it to me). I am going to sleep now.
right now.
now.
just kidding not yet.
now.
nope.
adjkf;djf lxczdjk (now. imagine my head just hit the keyboard as I went to sleep).

Today I carved into linoleum for the first time. I didn't cut my hand with the carving tool but I did scraped the top of my knuckle on the linoleum itself. However I am a strong big girl and I didn't cry.
I got to see Megan's movie and again after we re shot it. It is always nice to see your time and effort coming into a final product. Of course after you get over how strange your voice is and how odd your face is from various angles it is nice and rewarding.

Why even try?

Today I was talking to Michelle while she was reading an article about how schools should teach students not only what they teach now but also teach about character and how that can also make you a successful person. It also said something about how you should fail so you can build yourself back up and won't a bid fear of failing. This is something I think may be a good idea, but I am not willing to take that risk. Even my therapist encourages me to try to 'not care about school so much' and 'maybe failing a class' won't kill me. I try so hard in school that I have had many teachers over the years call me a perfectionist. Last year my chemistry teacher called me 'nervous Nelly' and'worry wart Sarah'. Just today in my English class I got so anxious that I started crying. That made me think about why I do care so much about how I do in school. Who am I trying to please? What am I trying to prove?
     Maybe I am trying not to disappoint my parents. Maybe I am trying not to disappoint myself. Maybe I am trying not to disappoint people that don't even care how I do in school. I think because I have done well in school most of my life that if I ever stray from that I am a failure and I don't deserve anything. I also think it could be because I am not 100% sure what I want to do with my life, so by having good grades I can keep my options open. Although my parents are a bit supportive of my love for art I feel like they are afraid for me to go into the arts. I think they want me to keep it more as a hobby. Today on a commercial I pointed out the use of Benedict's solution to indicate if the tested solution had simple sugars in it. My mom replied saying that I should be a doctor or go into the science field and get rich and happy and do art for fun, not a career. I'm sort of used to hearing this. I remember when I was little being told that I can never make a living in art, and I'll end starving. This isn't really what a kid wants to hear and may cause more fear in the future.

Just thinking out loud.

Kontroll your thoughts.

There is something about Kontroll that speaks to me but I think it is mumbling. Although I'm not exactly sure what it is to me personally yet, but it is a film that will stick with me. Something I'll keep in my mind for a very long time. Maybe the movie is more of an experience to have than something to understand. I liked how there was something interesting about every character. Even the people you only see for a minute still leaves something in your mind. One that stuck to my eyelids was Laci. We don't see him a lot through out the film but there is still something about him that stuck with me. They way we was kinda off, in the beginning when Bulscu asked him if he was alright, and his reply being, "Great, just looking forward to getting back to work" when it is obvious this job is horrible. Then next time we see Laci, he snapped and slit a man's throat.

Another thing I was thinking about was how from the first time we see Bulscu, he is bleeding. He has a bloody nose when he lifts his head up the first time in the film. We never know what it came from but it is assumed that it is from his job as a kontroll. He never gets healed, but only gets worse until the murderer gets hit by the train and Bulscu finally leaves.

Writing this has helped with the comprehending the mumbling but I still need to think more about it.

If I wasn't nervous on the subway before, I am now. I spent a lot of time on subways this summer and each time there was always somebody really interesting. I think about what each of their lives may be like. 

By the way did we watch Kontroll because of the guy who got pushed in front of the subway the other day?

What a nice reminder to know that kind of stuff really happens.

On another note: If you don't know I have a daily practice where I do a drawing each day that relates to a song. here is the blog. If I don't post everyday, I still do them everyday. Follow it?

New 365.

I am attempting a 365 again.
I know the whole following system on this website is kind of confusing now but try to follow it
http://tinybluedeer.blogspot.com/

I am doing a doodle a day that is inspired by a song.

Here is day one:

and here is a picture of me at Hicks

and me feeding small animals

I hope you have a nice day.

Pas de Cheval

I have been trying to blog for the past two weeks but after play rehearsals and homework I pass out to wake up and do it again. But enough with the poor excuses and onto what I wanted to say!

PAINTING.
So my "Alex Katz" style painting painting went from a sad attempt at Alex Katz to a promising hell (but my favorite kind).
I just got an iphone (moving my way into the smartphone life) so I don't have the pictures of the process but:

This is possibly the most stressful painting I've worked on. I knew I didn't like the first version but I have never really had to redo or go over a painting like I did with this. I was afraid that what I was going to do was going to be worse than before, causing me to paint me and Ron Swanson for eternity. Although part of me know redoing a painting is fine, the other part of me says "You couldn't get the first time. You suck. You failed. You can't paint. You have no talent. You are stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Everybody is watching you be a stupid wannabe painter. They all know you suck too". That part of me isn't very nice or helpful.

I did enjoy the process of painting the current version (aka getting rid of the whole Alex Katz aspect of it). I like the freedom of that. 

MEGAN'S FILM

It has been a while since I did any acting that wasn't related to Our Town. I liked getting together with friends and shooting a film. It is nice. I think that was what  Art & Fear was said. Something about making friends who also make art. That is a huge reason why STAC is so great. I have a community of people who love art just like I do. I can't get that in my Italian or Trigonometry class.

COMM CENTER

Oh the community center~ it has been a while since we last went there. It was fun and a really nice break from a stressful school day. The pulse thing we did was especially cool. It reminds me of something my therapist would tell me to do before I go to sleep or when I get anxious. It is one of those things that make you see everything in a different mind set. I liked how after focusing on ourselves and the sounds and things around us we all got up and looked at each other and gave this look that says "Oh my god I feel so strange but yet so... nice".

A TOWN CALLED PANIC

Sadly I had to leave school early to go to a doctor so I could finish this movie in STAC. But when I got home I re-watched the movie in its entirety on Netflix. My sister (who is my nemesis) wanted to watch tv when I started the film so she sat there for the first ten minutes going "THIS IS SO STUPID." "WOW THIS SUCKS." "HOW IS THIS FUNNY?" "WOW YOU HAVE TO READ SUBTITLES. SO DUMB." but after that she got quieter and started watching and asking questions about what is going on. At the end of the movie she tells my dad "That movie is so stupid." causing me to say "Then why did you watch the whole movie?" she didn't have a comeback.

I thought this movie was really funny and so ridiculous. I kept thinking about how it is claymation and how that must of taken for ever to do (I read after that it took 260 days to complete). I kept looking at all the little details in the background. I have a horse mask so maybe we can to a live action film of  A Town Called Panic.

Handy dandy book of monsters.

After a few hours of doing my homework and finishing a season of Breaking Bad, I felt like drawing something but I didn't know what to draw. So I decided to pick up my reference book on monsters and sketched a few creatures based on the description I was given.

My handy dandy book on monsters.

Hsing-Hsing
  A scholarly work published in China in 1885 describes the Hsing-Hsing as a small creature with a human face and a pig's body. It is able to speak.
  All Hsing-Hsing enjoy getting drunk and running around with shoes on their hooves. People attract these monsters by placing jugs of wine and straw sandals outside their homes. When the pig-monsters get tipsy and start putting on the sandals, people sneak up, capture them, and put them in cages. They make amusing, unusual pets, because you can talk to them, and they're not pig-headed.
Hui
  Huis are dogs with human heads. They live in the mountains of China and laugh whenever they see a person. Perhaps two-legged tail-less animals like us are funny to watch. Huis are described in the same tenth-century manuscript that described the Hsing-Hsing.

Manticore
  This is a lion the color of blood, with a human face and a triple row of sharp teeth. The manticore's toothy grin reaches from ear to ear. It often sports a dapper moustache. Its voice is musical, with flutelike noises that attract humans.
  People are the monster's favorite food. The manticore has a poisonous tail with deadly quills that can shoot great distances with remarkable accuracy. The monster first appeared in natural-history books during the seventeenth century.

I was going to put this stuff in my last blog post but I didn't.
While painting a lot in school, I was inking and doodling at home (sometimes inking doodles). Although I like working on painting I feel more comfortable with sketching. Here is some of what I've done with in that time.

Two characters that were originally doodles in my English and math notebook (no worries I still pay attention in class!). They are brother and sister.

I love the Halloween season because I can draw more demons and things on the morbid side with being questioned as much. 

FEAR.
I am a product of fear.
I think like most the class when I was reading the book all I could think, that this book was reading my mind (but wording it better).
I think we went over the book a lot in class but I was thinking about how  "ART IS ONLY MADE BY ORDINARY PEOPLE" again because Friday night I went to a concert with Caitlin. We saw this guy named Jon Walker. It was a small venue and there was about 10 to 15 people there. However quite of few of the girls were shrieking and crying fangirls and were there because Jon Walker used to play bass for the band Panic! at the Disco. I thought it was kind of annoying but it was also kind of funny because Jon Walker was so surprised by it. He is surprised that these girls he has never met before are shrieking for him because he is a ordinary person. After the show Caitlin and I talked to him. Super nice ordinary dude.

A thing we talked about again in STAC was the 365s. I tried and failed the 365 my Freshmen but I was think of maybe trying it again. I think what went wrong last time was I set too many rules of what my 365 was. It was not only a drawing a day but it had to be realistic and from a picture. Of course that is possible to do but I didn't get through with it. I was thinking if I did it again if it would be more about making art every single day for a year (I think I do that anyways just in the form of small doodles) or if it would be more about the quality of the art every single day for a year. 

Another thing I was thinking about 365 related is this youtuber named Bing has a project called 'Past Bing Future Bing' where in 2011 he made a video every other day and kept them to himself until 2012. In 2012 he still makes a video every other day but releases them WITH the 'Past Bings'. So one day I see a video from Bing from a year ago and the next day I get a video from Bing that he filmed that day or maybe the day before. It is a 'conversation through time' where Past Bing may ask Future Bing a question and Future Bing might answer it in the next video.

Here is the first Past Bing: 

you can watch PBFB in a playlist by week. Here is a link to the first week:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=grh4hokT6OQ&list=SP53C7D46962081896&feature=plcp

Caitlin and I met him in the summer when he visited America so we were in a Future Bing:

If I were to ever do something like this maybe I would do it on a smaller scale maybe over the course of two months. I think this project is cool but I also see how hard it can be.