Today I was talking to Michelle while she was reading an article about how schools should teach students not only what they teach now but also teach about character and how that can also make you a successful person. It also said something about how you should fail so you can build yourself back up and won't a bid fear of failing. This is something I think may be a good idea, but I am not willing to take that risk. Even my therapist encourages me to try to 'not care about school so much' and 'maybe failing a class' won't kill me. I try so hard in school that I have had many teachers over the years call me a perfectionist. Last year my chemistry teacher called me 'nervous Nelly' and'worry wart Sarah'. Just today in my English class I got so anxious that I started crying. That made me think about why I do care so much about how I do in school. Who am I trying to please? What am I trying to prove?
Maybe I am trying not to disappoint my parents. Maybe I am trying not to disappoint myself. Maybe I am trying not to disappoint people that don't even care how I do in school. I think because I have done well in school most of my life that if I ever stray from that I am a failure and I don't deserve anything. I also think it could be because I am not 100% sure what I want to do with my life, so by having good grades I can keep my options open. Although my parents are a bit supportive of my love for art I feel like they are afraid for me to go into the arts. I think they want me to keep it more as a hobby. Today on a commercial I pointed out the use of Benedict's solution to indicate if the tested solution had simple sugars in it. My mom replied saying that I should be a doctor or go into the science field and get rich and happy and do art for fun, not a career. I'm sort of used to hearing this. I remember when I was little being told that I can never make a living in art, and I'll end starving. This isn't really what a kid wants to hear and may cause more fear in the future.
Just thinking out loud.
Hmmm... while I think one can always risk more, I think you've, at least in art/stac terms, have risked a lot. You're tried out for plays and have acted and been on stage - that is a huge huge risk, and your artwork has always had elements of screwing up and risk to it. You've made as many good paintings as bad, which is I think encouraging.
ReplyDeleteAlways I end up coming back the scene between Bela and Zsofi at about 1:00 (1 hour) in Kontroll. Here is the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RO2KFEaVjhg
She asks if she's weird. He tells her to take her time. Watch the scene and see it again - it is a beautiful moment.
You have to take your time, Sarah.
Luke